unlaced

After the second time you snuck into my heart,I wish I had remembered to dig you out from under my...

Wed, 01 May 2013 22:01:23 -0400

After the second time you snuck into my heart,
I wish I had remembered
to dig you out from under my skin
so I wouldn’t have to spend so many years
trying to deny how much I enjoy
the way you chip away at my defenses
with your icepick smile

You broke my faith in my godsthe same way you broke my backunder the weight of all your...

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 00:27:41 -0400

You broke my faith in my gods
the same way you broke my back
under the weight of all your indecision,
and now they’re nothing to me,
just a handful of foreign names
and meaningless words I whisper in the dark
while I wait for you to call

I could swallow my prideand chase it with little pillsthat would make life seem worth it,but...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 16:20:07 -0400

I could swallow my pride
and chase it with little pills
that would make life seem worth it,
but I’m not thoroughly convinced
that mental health and emotional stability
are worth sacrificing every 6am
spent filling pages with ink
by the shaky glow of a dying flashlight

“If you’re going through hell,keep going”is what they said to mewhile they were...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 15:59:56 -0400

“If you’re going through hell,
keep going”
is what they said to me
while they were sitting
in an air-conditioned room
crushing ice chips
between perfect teeth

And though it is sometimes tempting, it’s been years since she has raced any knife across her...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 06:02:48 -0400

And though it is sometimes tempting,
it’s been years since she
has raced any knife across her flesh,
ever since the day she realized
that such energy would be better spent
on someone she actually loved

I’m beginning to wonder if I am truly happy, or if I’ve just gotten used to the...

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 05:28:34 -0400

I’m beginning to wonder
if I am truly happy,
or if I’ve just
gotten used to
the emptiness

i tried to drown my demons in warm sweet rum not taking into account that they might like the...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 03:56:10 -0400

i tried to drown my demons
in warm sweet rum
not taking into account
that they might like the taste
and so now we drink together
long into the lonely night
because it turns out
that even they have got
demons of their own

For—- You have always had a fascination with languages. They’ve always had a strange beauty in...

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 22:09:13 -0400

For—-

You have always had a fascination with languages. They’ve always had a strange beauty in your eyes, and you were determined to learn at least one—any one—before you died.

But you’re no good with tenses and conjugation. You always thought it would be easier if you had someone, even a recorded face on a screen, to help you along. So when you sat and watched videos of a smiling man trying to teach you a new way to speak, you eagerly moved your hands along with his. You willed yourself to move fast enough, your weak arms protesting the effort. But your fingers, honed from so many years flying across a keyboard, felt at home.

It’s only been one night, but you feel accomplished. You already have a handful of “words” in your pocket, and you drill them in your head one hundred times. Repetition, repetition, repetition. You don’t notice when he lays down next to you, caught up visualizing perfect hand placements, but a kiss to your temple brings you back. You turn your head just in time to see a warm smile before he kills the light.

You wrap your arms around each other and talk about it. He’s proud of you for trying this, you can hear it in his voice. You talk about what little you know about the culture—you from the videos and descriptions, he from his hometown—when a thought comes to you.

You ask how they talk to each other in the dark. He thinks a moment, but ultimately comes up with nothing.

The topic is dropped and he drifts off to sleep, but your mind is racing. You watch the rise and fall of his chest, the way his fingers curl around yours, the dreamy smile playing on such perfect lips. And you wonder what you would do if you couldn’t whisper to him with your face pressed against his back, or when you’re both half asleep and drunk on the night.

It’s not that great a mystery, though. You know you would trace the words on his arm, or tap them in morose code. If you had to, you’d carve them into your flesh and run his finger over the scars. You’d do whatever it took to express your love over and over if simple, spoken words just weren’t enough.

While you were sleeping peacefully beside me,I sewed our souls together,and now you’re as much...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 00:50:18 -0400

While you were sleeping
peacefully beside me,
I sewed our souls together,
and now you’re as much a part of me
as the lips I use to kiss you
and the hands I run through your hair
and the feet that will one day
lead me down a narrow aisle
to where you’ll be waiting
under a white, flowered arch

And I only hope you knowthat if I found a wayto steal all your painand misery and self-hatredand...

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 22:37:05 -0400

And I only hope you know
that if I found a way
to steal all your pain
and misery and self-hatred
and transfer it to myself,
I wouldn’t hesitate

I would bear all manner
of torture—of darkness,
of pure, unrelenting evil—
for you, and willingly,
if there were a way,
so you could find
the will to smile
the way you used to,
while I, without regrets,
burned alive
from the inside

there’s somethingabout a womenin a floral print dressand torn stockingsand combat bootswho...

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 18:58:59 -0500

there’s something
about a women
in a floral print dress
and torn stockings
and combat boots
who stains
the filter
of her cigarettes
with dark red lipstick
and whose eyes
are ringed
with both makeup
and a lack of sleep

if her hair
is hacked unevenly
hanging down
to kiss her collarbones
or she looks at me
with the desperation
of someone searching
for the kindness
of a stranger
i will
without fail
fall in love

and years later
when i’ve forgotten
the colour of her eyes
or the way her back
straightened so slightly
to stand at attention
i will still remember her
the way she was
and i will wonder
if she could have
loved me too
if i bothered
to stop
and give her
what she was
silently
begging me for

It’s been five long yearssince I drove 200 milesto see a show,thinking the distancewould keep...

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 06:00:00 -0500

It’s been five long years
since I drove 200 miles
to see a show,
thinking the distance
would keep me safe,
telling myself
there was no way
I’d see you there
so far from home

Five long years, but I remember
that your eye,
widened in surprise,
caught mine
for just a moment
before I looked down
and ran away,
torn between happiness
and despair
by the realization
that for better or worse
our lives were undeniably
entwined

and for havingsuch a duplicitous souli do go on at lengthabout love and lighti wonder howyou...

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 02:00:22 -0500

and for having
such a duplicitous soul
i do go on at length
about love and light

i wonder how
you haven’t yet noticed
that i am a liar
acting on whim
and emotion
and any passing fancy

because my conscience
depends solely
on whether or not
i could be caught

If I were to meet the Devil,I hope his eyes would stray from mineto run down my body, taking in...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 21:23:57 -0500

If I were to meet the Devil,
I hope his eyes would stray from mine
to run down my body, taking in every detail
The curve of my neck,
the sharp angle of my hips,
all laid bare and presented to him
in a brazen, unspoken offer

I hope he would not kiss me
with the gentle passion of a lover,
but with fierce rage, determination and fire,
burning me, consuming me whole
as his forked tongue danced with mine
in time with some silent, chaotic rhythm

If wicked talons caught on my clothes,
shredding them without care,
and my back met the wall with just enough force
to assert unquestionable dominance,
I would not beg for his mercy
I am not so foolish to think I would find any,
if I even had an interest in searching

Perhaps I would then encourage him
with a few well-timed moans
or my leg snaking around his waist
or the shiver I wouldn’t bother to suppress,
inspired by the mouth on my breast
and the nails raking up my thigh
as cold, unforgiving brick digs into my spine

I would hope to see those ancient black eyes,
half-lidded with desire and shining in the alley light,
fluttering closed for just a moment
as my hand wrapped around his length
But even if he groaned
as I stroked and pulled him closer
and leaned up, greedy for another searing kiss,
it could not, I suspect, be taken as a victory

And I would be proven right
when those eyes reopened and bored through me
before, with inhuman speed, I was spun
to find rough stones biting at my cheek,
strong hands securing my wrists above my head,
as that pulsing need, that desperate emptiness,
was slowly, finally filled
If I tried not to gasp with satisfaction
and deep, unashamed approval,
I know I would fail

I hope those vicious fingers
would claw down my back, grip firmly at my hips,
set a steady pace between my thighs
I hope sharp teeth would meet my neck,
and a hot tongue would lap at the wounds they left
I hope he would never relent,
never take care or hold back
until he’s had his fill of me

Yes, when I meet the Devil,
I will do whatever it takes
to ensure he accepts what I offer
My only wish is that this sin
and the resulting stain on my soul
would be so dark as to catch God’s attention
and incur all His holy wrath
With any luck, my plan will prove successful
and His eye will stray long just enough
to allow you even one moment of peace

I fellnot gracefully,but easily,and shamefully so,from atop my towerwhere I thoughtof all the evilsI...

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 19:41:27 -0500

I fell
not gracefully,
but easily,
and shamefully so,
from atop my tower
where I thought
of all the evils
I knew myself
capable,
it would not be this
I thought
it would never
be this

But it was
and it is
So I sit
with wings
self-broken
begging for a miracle
that only I
can bestow
and that I
continuously
deny
because I love
the sin
but not the sinner

Others tell meI use the word too often,but I don’t careI love youI love the things you saywhen...

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 01:00:42 -0500

Others tell me
I use the word too often,
but I don’t care
I love you

I love the things you say
when no one’s paying attention
I love how unashamedly passionate you are
about the little things in life
I love that you aren’t afraid
to show that you’re fragile

And I will never want to kiss you
or lay you down on my bed
or put a ring on your finger,
but I love you
and everything you are
as a person, as a presence in my life,
as a shining star and a reminder
that there is still beauty in this world

If before me sat two glasses, one of wine and one of poison, I can’t tell you which I’d...

Sun, 20 Jan 2013 05:08:13 -0500

If before me sat two glasses,
one of wine and one of poison,
I can’t tell you which I’d choose

Wine may warm my bones and soul,
but so too will the poison
before it pulls me under
And what if I can’t even tell them apart?

Can I ask the audience?

Can I phone a friend?

Can I do anything?

When I was eight years old, we practiced lighting candles, reciting low, steady rhymes,and you...

Mon, 03 Dec 2012 18:28:00 -0500

When I was eight years old,
we practiced lighting candles, reciting low, steady rhymes,
and you gripped my hand tighter than a vice
when the clear summer sky suddenly filled
with dark, angry clouds and the heavens poured down
outside my grandmother’s kitchen window

When I was twelve years old,
I thought the flickering flames played tricks on me
so I turned on every light in the house
and stared for a full minute
until I was certain your green eyes
had really turned brown

When I was fifteen years old,
you looked at the man with his arm around my shoulder
and gave a sly smile as you repeated the words I wrote
and the things I asked for
on the paper I had burned three weeks before

When I was seventeen years old,
we fell out of touch, each busy with our own lives,
and perhaps we both looked back and laugh
at the power we thought we once had,
but I still always know exactly when to call
and break the silence when you need me most,
and you still can read one thousand thoughts
from a single glance across a crowded room

The bag in my freezer claims “resealable!”and it wasbut only onceso now my lonely...

Wed, 28 Nov 2012 17:56:00 -0500

The bag in my freezer
claims “resealable!”
and it was
but only once
so now my lonely dinner
is ruined
and I can’t help but put this
in the left hand column
along with all the other lies
my mother
never bothered
to warn me about

And in the middle of a cold nightyou break the easy silenceto beg me not to leave you,as if...

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 16:34:42 -0400

And in the middle of a cold night
you break the easy silence
to beg me not to leave you,
as if you’ve forgotten that I’m an addict
who stays up to greet the sun
just to hear your peaceful breath
and inhale your skin one last time
before I wrap my soul around yours
like a warm, comforting blanket
and finally give in to sleep